Make Me Smile
by Eliza4892
Summary: Meredith has some things she needs to get off her chest. Post Losing My Religion.


It was sometime in the afternoon when Meredith found herself sprawled out on one of the gurneys that lay in the hallway, that she knew only the interns frequented. It was the one by the snack machines, which was perhaps why it served as a meeting place of sorts during late night shifts, or any breaks that they had. She had had that shift the night before, although she was the only one, and that must have been why she felt so drained. Bailey knew this, and for some reason she cut Meredith some slack, not paging her once that day. Even though it was shaping out to be a slow day, she knew there was more to it. But since Meredith didn't think she'd be needed she figured it was safe to rest for just a little while. As long as she didn't fall asleep.

Any fears of that happening were chased away as the gurney shifted underneath the weight of the man who had collapsed onto it next to her. She didn't need to open her eyes to tell who had made their presence known so unceremoniously, without even so much as a 'hey', but she did anyway. It was quite amusing looking at people upside down. Alex had thrown himself onto the bed, sitting with his back pressed up against the wall, a look of exhaustion on his face that mimicked hers. Her head rested against his leg. "Bailey let you off the hook too?"

Alex had been doing his best to help Izzie through this but no matter how hard he tried she pushed him away. Still he kept coming back again and again. It was beginning to take its toll on him, which only plainly stated what everybody at the hospital already knew. "Becoming a mother made her go soft. What's up with that?"

She laughed a little at the way he seemed annoyed at the prospect of her going easy on them. He always had something to complain about, though it was starting to bother her less and less nowadays. "I don't think that's the case. I think she feels bad for Izzie. Everybody does. And she knows you've been trying to help."

"Yeah, trying being the operative word there," he groaned, shaking his head. He seemed discouraged by the whole thing and she didn't blame him. She understood that Izzie was grieving, and that was okay, but it had been three weeks and she still refused to leave the house, and rarely interacted with any of them. Alex wasn't the only one being pushed away. Meredith sometimes thought Izzie had lost all touch with reality. He gave her a curious look suddenly, and she felt a headache coming on as soon as he did so. "I thought you'd be in a better mood."

"And why would that be?" She faked naiveté when she really knew exactly what he was talking about. It was just that she was hoping against hope that he was referring to something else and they weren't really about to have this conversation.

"Oh come on Grey, everybody already expects you to be jumping for joy now that She-Shepherd has gone back to New York. Don't hold out on us." And there went all hope of avoiding the subject.

He wasn't wrong. She should be happy. Her and Derek might actually have a chance to salvage whatever relationship they had. But everybody expected them to run back to each other, not even realizing that it didn't work that way. Too much had happened; there was so much damage to sort through. It would be a while before they got together again, if they did at all. Okay, who was she kidding? "It's really not like that. I didn't win anything here. Nobody did."

Alex rolled his eyes, overdramatically. "Stop with the humbleness. Of course you won. She's gone, you're still here. What more do you want?" The last question seemed to be posed toward women in general, not just her.

"It wasn't ever a competition." He raised his eyebrows. "Okay, it might have been in the beginning. But we were done, me and Derek, we were over. We were just supposed to be good friends, and he was going to go back to his wife because that's who he is. He does the right thing." Thinking back to their conversation, when they had just let it all come out, and remembering the finality in his voice when he said they were over, she reassured herself that she was speaking the truth. That should've been the end of it all.

"So that's why you slept with him?" He said, matter-of-factly, ignoring the death glare he received. "Well that was the straw that broke Satan's back, wasn't it?" Again he had a point. And a very aggravating one at that.

"I didn't mean to do that." She rolled onto her side, looking down at the floor, adding in a much smaller voice. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen." Though she knew she shouldn't bother, she paused to wonder what life would've been like had she not set foot in Joe's bar that first night. Would it be better or worse? Had all this pain been worth it, just for the short time she and Derek had been together. "Can we not talk about this anymore?"

Meredith expected him to drag this out because he simply did not really know when to quit. It wasn't because he wanted to hurt her. He just could not tell the difference between when she just didn't want to talk about something and when she couldn't. It came as a surprise when he shrugged his shoulders, and said, "Fine." Meredith turned back over again to face him, wondering if he was just that tired or he actually picked up on her feelings on the matter. "But can I just say I for one am glad Gyno-Bitch is gone. The torture is finally over." The relief in his voice made her smile. A real one too, for the first time in a long while. "Knew I could get you to smile."

She laughed again, swatting at his arm, and he smirked at her, like it was his plan all along. To lift her spirits, to be her sounding board. It was so very out of character for him, and then not because he changed so much as you got to know him. He could be two different people, and she never could figure out which was the real, genuine, Alex, and which was just an act. There were times when he was just so uncalled for, so inappropriate. Other times he was sweet, and knew just what to say to make everything okay. Today must have been one of those times, because miracle of all miracles she did feel better.


End file.
